off the list

Quick quiz: after the apolcalypse, which creatures will still scurry about the wasteland?

A) Cockroaches; B) Real Estate Agents; C) Mortgage Brokers; D) All of the above

Based on the amount of mailings I’m still receiving — despite the sub-prime mortgage meltdown — I’m betting D.

You’d think given their combined roles in driving prices thru the stratosphere (and many willing victims into foreclosure), these enablers would at least wash the blood from their hands before sending out mass mailings trumpeting new ways to increase personal debt.

You’d think. And you’d be wrong.

And worse, there’s no way to stop them. Not the DMA Mail Preference Service. Not OptoutPreScreen.com.

You see, Mortgage Brokers and Real Estate Agents get names for their mailings from Title companies — you know, the place you go to sign your life away.

Where do the Title companies get the names? Zip codes and phone numbers.

Call a Title company and ask to be taken off their list — they can’t (won’t).

They say they’re just filling a request for the Broker/Agent — from whom they hope to handle any potential closings from said list.

Ask the Broker/Agent to take you off their list — and surprise — they’ll lay it at the feet of the Title company.

But that’s just a dodge — reputable Brokers/Agents do use purge lists to check names before doing a mailing.

I’ve had some luck sending the following email to these scavengers:

Dear Broker/Agent/Douchebag:

I do not respond to offers from people I don’t know, for products I don’t need.

Since you and your offer both qualify, I’d like to offer you this money saving opportunity:

Please remove me from your mailing list.

You can also call the number on the mailers — you’ll usually get an answering machine.

Leave your name, number and a message to the effect that you just received a mailing.

They’ll call back all excited — until you give them the reason for your call.

Ah, the sweet sound of revenge.

It’s worth it — even if they don’t take you off the list.