off the list

Who knew evil would come clad in a bikini? Not my wife when she ordered a gift from the Limited Too catalog.

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The first “Off The List” collectible is here! Act now and complete strangers will be asking you sexually provocative questions faster than you can say “stay the hell away from me, you loser.” To get yours, email your complete name and address to getoff@jonnyhal.com And no, signing up won’t put you on any mailings lists. [...]

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Guess who wants protect your identity now? The same people who peddle your info nuggets to anyone with a pulse — the US Postal Service.

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Do you own a website? Then, chances are, someone is oogling your privates right now.

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Want your personal info available on-line, for all eternity? Then put down your drool cup and join Facebook.

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Generally that would be considered a good thing — except it’s a recording. Plus, she’s only calling to talk about another guy.

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Check out our friends at CatalogChoice.org on the Today show. If Anne Curry can get off, why not you?

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Exorbitant handling fees. Weak seat selection. Jammed phone lines. To this august list of Ticketmaster’s ills, add unapologetic name serializer.

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Name. Address. Phone number. Data miners scour public records in order to sniff out these info truffles, which are then sliced, diced, and repackaged as mailing lists to serve you fresh junk mail daily. Time to separate your pearls from those swine with this sample letter:

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At the risk of showing my incompetence, can someone please tell me how to get my RSS feed to work?

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