off the list

Who knew evil would come clad in a bikini?

Not my wife when she ordered a gift from the Limited Too catalog.

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The first “Off The List” collectible is here!

Act now and complete strangers will be asking you sexually provocative questions faster than you can say “stay the hell away from me, you loser.”

To get yours, email your complete name and address to getoff@jonnyhal.com

And no, signing up won’t put you on any mailings lists. Jeez, don’t be so paranoid.

Crank up the Sound Soother 20! Break out the World’s Shortest Full-size Umbrella!

The Sharper Image filed for Chapter 11!

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Guess who wants protect your identity now?

The same people who peddle your info nuggets to anyone with a pulse — the US Postal Service.

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Do you own a website?

Then, chances are, someone is oogling your privates right now.

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Want your personal info available on-line, for all eternity?

Then put down your drool cup and join Facebook.

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Wanna hear less from politicians this year?

Then change your party affiliation and declare independence from political junk mail.

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The evil empire heard my plea — and shrugged.

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Generally that would be considered a good thing — except it’s a recording.

Plus, she’s only calling to talk about another guy.

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Did you get any of the 4 new Pottery Barn catalogs today? We didn’t!

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